What is it about Suburbia that makes us want to live here? I know I was drawn to the “bigger house, more land” gimmick and the picturesque lifestyle. That’s somewhat true so then you go ahead and start building a family, having the 2.2 kids that research tells you most suburban households have. Did you ever wonder what the .2 was? I’ve always thought it was a dog, a cat or even a hamster. I digress… the one BIG problem is they don’t tell you who else resides in your town and what the fuck goes on here.
So what happens in Suburbia? Well when you start to find out is generally when your kid gets to preschool or elementary and for some of us it’s too late, our roots have already started to grab hold, you’re 5 years into a 30 year mortgage and think shit do I lose all my momentum, start over somewhere else or just hang in there and hope it gets better. I unfortunately choose the latter. Interacting with the other families you start to realize its actually a worse version of high school! Let that sink in WORSE than high school, that’s “Mean Girls” intesified. Yes people are still cliquey, stuck up, gossip feigns who are also now prescription pill popping, wine guzzling alchies having insecure power trips. Most of my experience with suburbia hell is in large part from the housewives, who literally spend their days scheduling playdates, walks in the parks with other stay at home Moms and gossiping about anything and everything their little bitchy mouths can come up with. If you’re not part of that crowd they do the most passive aggressive things possible, except this time around, it not only affects you, it affects your kid which SUCKS!